Ancestry Sleuth Pillows

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'I demand a DNA test.'

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

Egyptian Library: 'Every week you take out the same book, Anubis.'

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

"We've found your birth mother."

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

Conflicting Reports

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

Reporter at a crime scene.

In today's lesson, we'll talk about our ancestors 'The Mammoths'

Reporter #2: plant.

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

"...then I take out one of these, ll them it's an ancestor, and try to sell it to them."

'I'm reclaiming my roots.'

"You're the hardest client we've ever had."

"Not one of the Dartford Warblers?"