Ancestry Sleuth Gifts

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

'I demand a DNA test.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

Egyptian Library: 'Every week you take out the same book, Anubis.'

Ancenstry.com Your results: Oak: 80% Pine: 12% Maple: 3% Unknown: 5%

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

Conflicting Reports

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

"We've found your birth mother."

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

Reporter at a crime scene.

Reporter #2: plant.

In today's lesson, we'll talk about our ancestors 'The Mammoths'

Have you even thought of having children, Randy? Of course. I come from a long line of perfect specimens. Each successive generation is more charming, more virile, more irresistible than the last. HOJ. Logic dictates that I am not the end result, I am but a link in the evolutionary chain of Randies. I must reproduce eventually, for the sake of all mankind. How about you? I come from a long line of corporate overlords, each greedier than the last ...

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

7 Reasons You Might Be Irish. . .

"...then I take out one of these, ll them it's an ancestor, and try to sell it to them."

GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'

DNA Tests. Discover your ancestry. That was great! I love taking a science test where it's not possible to give a wrong answer.

'I come from a long line of Sunday roasts...'