American Football Critic Gifts

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

Red State Football

'Remember young brave to always face evil without fear...To have our tribe on foam and underwear!'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

Doping

World Cup. Half Empty.

'We're sending you down, Hartnett. You need to work on your scratching and spitting.'

Match Fixing in Malaysia

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

"I swear, if he says, ‘Oh, American football’ even once, we’re gonna Brexit."

'But now for the good news, Bob. The replay was shown repeatedly on Sports Center.'

"Wait, all the screaming, and cheering, and swearing – you've been faking liking football the whole time?"

Bears Win!!!

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'

"Why study Latin? I guess so we'll know what Super Bowl game we're watching."

Football League - Concussions R Us.

"This part of the match was fixed...errr....sponsered by..."

Marvin preferred the old fashioned way of arguing, before instant replay.

'The selectors must be meeting...'

Novak Djokovic

Manny Ramirez.

'Thank goodness those bloody games are over. Maybe now they'll put something decent on the telly.'