American Football Critic Prints

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

Doping

'But now for the good news, Bob. The replay was shown repeatedly on Sports Center.'

'We're sending you down, Hartnett. You need to work on your scratching and spitting.'

"I swear, if he says, ‘Oh, American football’ even once, we’re gonna Brexit."

Match Fixing in Malaysia

World Cup. Half Empty.

"Wait, all the screaming, and cheering, and swearing – you've been faking liking football the whole time?"

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

"Why study Latin? I guess so we'll know what Super Bowl game we're watching."

'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'

Novak Djokovic

'The selectors must be meeting...'

Football League - Concussions R Us.

"This part of the match was fixed...errr....sponsered by..."

Marvin preferred the old fashioned way of arguing, before instant replay.

'Thank goodness those bloody games are over. Maybe now they'll put something decent on the telly.'

"If you ask me, he's too damn cocky!"