America Buff Gifts

Trump Mess

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Television Readers.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

7 Dwarves of Retirement

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

Can't Touch This

"Always with the String Theory."

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

Tunnel of TV

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

Homo Zapiens

President S Grant's Proposed Civil Service Reform not to the Taste of Certain Senators

'Are you kidding, Billy? We climbed all the way up Everest and you forgot the freaking sleds?!'

"If I were you, I wouldn't change the channel!"

"If you're such a great Doctor, how come you're not on Chicargo hope or ER?"

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

Uncle Sam and Democracy

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

Woman and TV.