Ambiguous Profile Storyteller Gifts

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

How I met your mother

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"Who are These People?"

Hog Futures

Centaur falls in love.

"We pride ourselves on defying expectations."

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"The women on these dating sites don't seem to believe I'm a prince."

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

'Excuse me officer. I'd like to report a U.F.O. sighting!'

"So Dave - did you get lucky? Dave....? Dave...?"

Area 51 Shaed of Gray - No Trespassing