Ambiguous Profile Storyteller Pillows

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

How I met your mother

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"We pride ourselves on defying expectations."

Centaur falls in love.

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Hog Futures

"Who are These People?"

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'

"The women on these dating sites don't seem to believe I'm a prince."

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

'Excuse me officer. I'd like to report a U.F.O. sighting!'

"It's a graphic novel about a regular girl living a regular life despite having shapeless blobs for hands."

"So Dave - did you get lucky? Dave....? Dave...?"