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"According to this, there's a cafe without muzak two streets away."

"Ahhh... close enough."

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

Remote control pirate bully

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

The fate of the emigrant

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

The experienced backpacker.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Easter Island legs

Tourists

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

Desert Island Meals.

Beach con-man.

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Cannonball!'

'I think you're getting the hang of it.'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

"Look what I found, dad!"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Pirate

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

'It's a note...It says I.O.U. one pot of gold.'

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'