Amateur Vinophile Gifts

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'A cheeky red?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Now I really hate poetry."

Bacchus.

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Sauvignon Bonk

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

Leaning Wine Bottle of Pisa

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'