Amateur Singer Pillows

'Seriously, your ululation is good enough for American Idol.'

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

"Hurry up, I'm hungry."

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

Young lady telling a young man he is not singing low enough.

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

"Still life with fruit and terribly drawn fish"

"And this is our 'panic room'. We usually pop in here after watching the nightly news."

Man having picture of caught fish sees that cat has eaten it.

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

'People say I don't listen to other's opinions. That's not true, is it Binky?'

"Keep it up Kevin, you're really improving."

"Oh boy! My favorite! Squirrel cake!"

"He sings for charity. He has to. Nobody offers to pay him."

'I wonder if we strike wine again!'

'Sometimes I see problems and solutions with such clarity, I feel I've been infused with all the wisdom of the ages... THAT'S when I know I've had too much to drink.'

"That' was great - let's run though that again."

Spring Cleaning

"I got the blues in the mornin', I got the blues at night..."

"Dad! I didn't know you were a boxer!"

"All this just to take a selfy!"

'That wasn't the home movie. That was the trailer.'

'Billy, how many times have I told you to get your thumb out of your mouth? Betty, for heaven's sake, brush your hair out of your eyes.' 'An annoying auto-focus camera.'

'In my haste this morning, I'm afraid that I picked up the wrong piece of paper - so instead of my sermon, I'll give you the recipe for my wife's rock cake...'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"The only thing that can save it now is a really bad glee club!!"

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

Singing is everyone's shower rights.

A minister forgetfully slipping into his other role as a photographer

"I think this one will suit you, 'A dizzy little number, with a hint of musty socks'."

Open Mic Night