Amateur Singer Pillows

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

"Hurry up, I'm hungry."

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

"Still life with fruit and terribly drawn fish"

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

Young lady telling a young man he is not singing low enough.

"And this is our 'panic room'. We usually pop in here after watching the nightly news."

'People say I don't listen to other's opinions. That's not true, is it Binky?'

Man having picture of caught fish sees that cat has eaten it.

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

"Keep it up Kevin, you're really improving."

"He sings for charity. He has to. Nobody offers to pay him."

"Oh boy! My favorite! Squirrel cake!"

'Sometimes I see problems and solutions with such clarity, I feel I've been infused with all the wisdom of the ages... THAT'S when I know I've had too much to drink.'

'I wonder if we strike wine again!'

"That' was great - let's run though that again."

Spring Cleaning

'Billy, how many times have I told you to get your thumb out of your mouth? Betty, for heaven's sake, brush your hair out of your eyes.' 'An annoying auto-focus camera.'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"All this just to take a selfy!"

'In my haste this morning, I'm afraid that I picked up the wrong piece of paper - so instead of my sermon, I'll give you the recipe for my wife's rock cake...'

'That wasn't the home movie. That was the trailer.'

"The only thing that can save it now is a really bad glee club!!"

"Dad! I didn't know you were a boxer!"

"I got the blues in the mornin', I got the blues at night..."

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

Singing is everyone's shower rights.

"The technique is good, but somehow I feel that the artist didn't take enough time observing the subject."

Open Mic Night

A minister forgetfully slipping into his other role as a photographer

"I made you a cake completely from scratch!"