Amateur Salesperson Gifts

'I've just sold a settee for £400 and I don't even work here!'

'What do you do with the time you save?'

The Salesman

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

"One more rinse and the inside of your car will be clean too, Dad."

"Hey! Plants are on sale again! Woo-hoo!"

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'Frank, when was the last time you cleaned your gun?'

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

Seeing progression motivates.

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

Whatever works for you.

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"I think you'd make a persuasive salesman."

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

'I found our eight year old sales goals, and we're almost there.'

Young lady telling a young man he is not singing low enough.

"Still life with fruit and terribly drawn fish"

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'The sales team did all they could, so I'd have to say the blame for that must fall on the consumer.'

SUV's Off A Gas-Price Cliff

'Yeah, truck makers are going vertical instead of horizontal with the extended cabs now. It's the latest trend...'

'You'll find that these really let your feet breathe'

"And this is our 'panic room'. We usually pop in here after watching the nightly news."

"Delivery in thirty minutes or your pizza is free(zing)."

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

"My husband makes this wine."

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

He spends all weekend under the stupid thing, but I don't think he's really fixing anything.