Amateur Psychologist Gifts

"He works and plays well with others."

"Don't try and confuse me with the truth."

'I hate to take a problem to bed with me, but my husband refuses to sleep alone.'

'Give me the penis... ...I mean 'remote'.'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Look, you can only do so much!'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

Pavlov's Puppy

"I'm watching the dog cheat at solitaire."

"Hurry up, I'm hungry."

For the last time, Bobby, I told you – every other person gets the red cup with the placebo. Lemonade 50¢.

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

Blok drives by New York City.

Free-Floating Anxiety

'Quit clowning about, Fred.'

Pavlov's Cat

Regardless children just want to fit in.

"You've been in long enough! Two more dives then out!"

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

Mummy Shrink.

Chuck didn't care what his therapist said; that is not where he left his dummy.

"You have got to want to change."

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

"Adolescence can be a very trying time, Mr. Alcorn."

Receptionist to patient about psychiatrist: 'Dr. Zwecklos canceled all his appointments for this week - he went off the deep end again.'

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

"Doctor, your client with the multiple personality disorder, is on lines one, two, three and four."

"I don't just want you to give me a raise, I want you to WANT to give me a raise."