Amateur Animal Psychologist Gifts

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

"Why do they do that?"

Licensed Therapist

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

"The hyenas started it."

"Sure my wings flap 70 times per second-- I've been sipping nectar all day."

Bears catching fish

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

Wolf trying on sheep's clothing at a retail store.

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

'I don't know about you. But I'm eating my fill before I drag this carcass to the 'king of the beasts'.'

What does aloof mean?

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

"No wonder they've spotted us! Tail down Fred, tail down!"

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

'We don't want you poking around here any more!'

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."