Animal Psychology Fan Gifts

"I, for one, refuse to just sit at the door pining for his return."

Five minutes after you leave the house: "What if they never come back?!"

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Dog Nightmares

"Are there treats? Just grab the treats and get outta there!"

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"When I was a puppy, I barked as a puppy, I understood as a puppy, I thought as a puppy. But when I became a dog, I put away puppy things except for my shabby, old, beat-up stuffy toy. I still freaking love this thing."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"I have spirit, yes I do. I have spirit, how 'bout you?"

"I'm a monster."

'Humans do it, why couldn't we? Instead of chasing food, we could breed it: It's all explained in my report...'

"He may be neutered and declawed, but he's still dangerous."

Goldfish evolution - "...it's called evolution and it means in a few years we'll walk right out that door."

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

The universe that has me at the center of it is my kind of universe!

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

Cat does not want to chase the stick.

"Putting him on a diet was easy. Just hide a pill in his food and he'll never touch it."

"Wait ... now I forgot what I was going to bark at you for."

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"Stupid obedience school. As if we don't want to learn physics or computer science or something."

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. For dogs maybe, but not for cats.

"Should I tell her I'm a PTSD support dog specializing in disease and illegal drug scent detection?" "Should I tell him his ear's inside out?"