Amateur Archaeologist Gifts

Caveman tries to carve using a pencil.

'Man, these ruins are spectacular!' 'Heya that'sa my house... I built it myself!'

'This 'Palestine' place you're giving to us - Will we have the mineral rights?'

'It appears to be some sort of bone.'

'So what if you found it? Whatever it is, it belongs to ME! Now, get off my beach!'

Reinventing the Wheel

'I see Mr. Invention is at it again -- we'd better start holding regular fire drills.'

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

'Having any luck finding the fountain of youth, Miller?'

The inscription says: 'Whiter teeth; fresher breath.'

'There will be no underground in this house.'

"Hmm...well...It'll look better when it's finished...!"

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

"I don’t know what your invention’s called, but it’s really irritating."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'You say the ARKS are NOT two by two?'

"I think it was an election year."

'That's far enough for the first trip -- gather some soil samples and initiate re-entry procedures.'

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

“If they were huggers like us they would have evolved useful arms.”

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

Archaeologists discover a football

"...it's another metal detector."

'Handyman's Special'

"Writer's block?"

A caveman rubs two sticks together and gets a computer.

Mummy Shrink.

'- and what makes you think they must have been TALL?'

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

This will really mess with their minds someday.

"Agreed. They were undoubtedly sack religious."

"How do you spell, asteroid?"

Stone henge swing.

"I've invented the wheel. We're going to be rich."