Alternative Lifestyle Chuckles Gifts

"I'm a green thief."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

Vegetarian Birds

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

Punk Reindeer

The Mainstream

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

REPENT! Get back to nature

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

'I have one last question: this beach is clothing optional, right?'

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

'I wouldn't bother. They're probably gluten-free vegetarians.'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"I beg to differ."

"Do you see what you are doing to your mother?"

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'Isn't it romantic, being married in the same alley where we first met eight months ago?'

"We’re trying to inject a little pastoralism into our lives."

'Vegetable proteins sure have caught on. I have to go over to Canyon Gulch and round up a herd of soybeans.'

"Oh, it's always something now he wants to become a vegetarian."

"C’mon, Sara. Like you wouldn’t consider – even for a second – accepting an iPhone from the devil."

Late Bloomers

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"What do you consider your most attractive feature and what are you doing about it?"

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'