Alternative Lifestyle Chuckles Pillows

"I'm a green thief."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

Vegetarian Birds

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

Punk Reindeer

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

The Mainstream

REPENT! Get back to nature

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

'I have one last question: this beach is clothing optional, right?'

'I wouldn't bother. They're probably gluten-free vegetarians.'

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"I beg to differ."

'Isn't it romantic, being married in the same alley where we first met eight months ago?'

"Do you see what you are doing to your mother?"

"Oh, it's always something now he wants to become a vegetarian."

'Vegetable proteins sure have caught on. I have to go over to Canyon Gulch and round up a herd of soybeans.'

Late Bloomers

"We’re trying to inject a little pastoralism into our lives."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"C’mon, Sara. Like you wouldn’t consider – even for a second – accepting an iPhone from the devil."

"What do you consider your most attractive feature and what are you doing about it?"

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

The Shy Nudist Camp.

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'