Alternative Health Enthusiasts Gifts

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

New Age Store.

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

'GM apples prevent Migraine'

"He looks so much like his dad."

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

'Who would have thought there was a market for it? We're going to be rich George!...'

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Like it? It's my digital vest, it calculates calories, portions and price per pound!'

'Take two of these, and call me in the morning!'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

Eskimo to one with huge whale: 'You're sure it's all good cholesterol?'

"GP or chemist? To be on the safe side let's go to A and E."

'How is the detox going?'

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

Stay away from Pigs.

"Tell you what, dude, I'm writing you a prescription for a scented candle and some granola."

"Lately my joints are stiff." "You're rollin' 'em too tight. Try vaping."