Alternative Health Enthusiasts Gifts

'Personally, I think this acupuncture lark is highly over-rated.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

New Age Store.

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

"He looks so much like his dad."

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

'GM apples prevent Migraine'

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

'Who would have thought there was a market for it? We're going to be rich George!...'

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

'I'm not sure how to break this to you all... the Atkins diet is back.'

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Like it? It's my digital vest, it calculates calories, portions and price per pound!'

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

'Take two of these, and call me in the morning!'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

"And this one is made of ancient crystals that detoxify the air and remove all the money from your pocket."

"GP or chemist? To be on the safe side let's go to A and E."

Stay away from Pigs.

Eskimo to one with huge whale: 'You're sure it's all good cholesterol?'

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

'How is the detox going?'