Alternative Country Gifts

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Vegetarian Birds

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

Punk Reindeer

"...then finally, I got serious and started a band."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

The Mainstream

REPENT! Get back to nature

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

'Who would have thought there was a market for it? We're going to be rich George!...'

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

'I have one last question: this beach is clothing optional, right?'

'I'd say the nerve pain you're having in your jaw is due to an arrow through it, but perhaps you'd like to get a 2nd opinion from a dentist.'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"I beg to differ."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

The New Age Dentist.

Fuzz - the bass player auditions.

"Do you see what you are doing to your mother?"

Leftie Trump

Life is simpler in the sticks.

'Vegetable proteins sure have caught on. I have to go over to Canyon Gulch and round up a herd of soybeans.'

The-We-Don't-Do-Cappuccino Bookshop

"C’mon, Sara. Like you wouldn’t consider – even for a second – accepting an iPhone from the devil."

The Shy Nudist Camp.

"And this one is made of ancient crystals that detoxify the air and remove all the money from your pocket."