Alternative Country Gifts

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

Vegetarian Birds

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

Punk Reindeer

"...then finally, I got serious and started a band."

The Mainstream

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

REPENT! Get back to nature

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

'Who would have thought there was a market for it? We're going to be rich George!...'

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

'I'd say the nerve pain you're having in your jaw is due to an arrow through it, but perhaps you'd like to get a 2nd opinion from a dentist.'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

'I have one last question: this beach is clothing optional, right?'

"I beg to differ."

Fuzz - the bass player auditions.

"Do you see what you are doing to your mother?"

The-We-Don't-Do-Cappuccino Bookshop

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"C’mon, Sara. Like you wouldn’t consider – even for a second – accepting an iPhone from the devil."

'Vegetable proteins sure have caught on. I have to go over to Canyon Gulch and round up a herd of soybeans.'

The New Age Dentist.

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"What do you consider your most attractive feature and what are you doing about it?"

"And this one is made of ancient crystals that detoxify the air and remove all the money from your pocket."

"Living underground is not what it used to be."