Alternative Aficionado Gifts

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

"...I hate mainstream music."

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

'I know we're inchworms, but let's get into the spirit of this! Change is good!'

'It's a novel based on a movie adapted from a magazine article that was inspired by a video game.'

You had me at vintage.

'Man...You age great!'

"We tried 'Baby Mozart,' but he prefers 'Baby John Cage.'"

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

Antiques

'Excuse me Ma'am, do you mind if I smoke?'

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

The Cremaster Cycle

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

'This is a letter opener, from the days before faxes and email. I just sold it online after I listed it as a vintage communication device.'

"Mommy, look! Tablets from olden days!"

'I got fired, Amy... I hate it when that happens!'

Old West Bounty Hunter.

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

'Who are you kidding? This is a wind-up isn't it!'

'Isn't that wonderful? We both suffer from intellectual angst!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

Punk rocker passing punk codger in street.

"It's a novel about interest rates."

"I found an old photo of us, when we were punk rockers... Didn't we look ridiculous?"

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

"Hold it, Lucy! Here I am!"

"Wow!"

In the eighties, Americans knew how to be Americans. Big cars. Big radios. Big hair. Everything was big. Unfortunately, I was so buff that all my huge stuff looked tiny in comparison. So I would loan my stuff to the skinniest, wimpiest kid I could find. Hold this. Let me reminisce vicariously through you. (Sigh.) Those were the days. Is it working?

Radiant, yet flammable.

"He's gone from the most-wanted list to someone the authorities would like to talk to."

A 1950's Barber Shop