Alt-cosmetology Fan Gifts

"Tia Carmen, you used to work in a beauty shop, didn't you?"

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

Hairstyles

Gah! My Timotei is dead. - 'But what have we here? Tresemme with orange, mango, and passionfruit.' - 'Mmmm... passionfruit...' - '*Glug* *Glug* *Glug*' -

'Now I know why they called this airco model 'Marilyn Monroe'.'

Carole Lombard

'This wasn't quite what I had in mind when you suggested 'alternative medicine''

2050 A. D: Cloning is quite common place.

"Too hard?"

'Now where did I lay my comb?'

'I hope this alternative Chinese medicine works!'

"The amethyst has calming properties – which is great when you’re out of Xanax."

"Oh, no, not the messy hair bun!"

Man on tube using dreadlock as support.

'Botox...' - pumpkin faces

I feel like he's undressing me and checking for irregular moles with his eyes. Dating a dermatologist.

"What do you use to relieve the burning and itching of asteroids?"

"I warned you that collagen lip injections were not without risk, Mrs. Rawlinson."

"I wonder why we're not getting any new converts."

'We're ok for duffel jackets and stiff upper lips sir, but short on Brylcream.'

How I feel with....liquid matte lipstick, lip gloss and chapped bare lips.

Holstein spotting kit.

"What are you going in there for?... Can't you just soak them in a glass of bleach?"

Although not having a bad hare day, Paul and Toni were certainly having an unusual hare day that Easter.

An evolutionary turning point.

"No?"

Lipstick hiccups

"You end up with the face you can afford."

'No more hairy legs for me, I'm waxing now...'

"Ideally, I'd like a reboot to 'factory settings'."

'Okay then, Irene, I won't mention your face-lift and you don't say anything about my implants!'

"And she's had her tentacles waxed."

"You imbecile! I asked for a bigger 'pout'."

"But enough about my teeth. Let's talk about your teeth."