Alpha Moviegoer Gifts

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Herman Mankiewicz

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

'It was great. I hated it.'

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

"I want you to know that emotion overrode reason."

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'I don't have enough. How much to se it in 2-D?'

Cinemuck

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

A mummy, in police tape, chases a police officer.

'Let me guess - you lost a fight against a young challenger who has now replaced you as the company's alpha male!'

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

'It's a 'Free Willy From Hollywood' petition: Would you please sign it...'

'He has been like that ever since he had a small part in 'Finding Nemo'!'

"We're gonna make, Rose! Keep washing your hands!"

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

The Directors Gut.

"Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by a string of great hollywood blockbusters."

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

'Scary movie?'

"Come on, we all know you're the new Alpha Male: No need to rub it in by wearing a badge..."

"Santa's not been happy with your behavior in class and says, get it together or your Christmas won't be merry!"

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

'That's the last time I'm sitting in the front row!'