Alertness Aficionado Gifts

Diner. Breakfast Specials. I'm a type "C" personality. Until I have my morning coffee I have no personality at all.

'Where was the TSA?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Alarmistclock

'It's okay, it's our audible fish alarm.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

A gorilla plays chess with his keeper.

CCTV in church.

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

"Let me through – I'm morbidly curious!"

Emergency Disguise at the CIA

Biro Security

"It's time to wake up!"

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"I realize you don't want to miss that important business call next week, but setting your alarm to go off every 10 minutes until then is getting really annoying."

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"It's the Coast Guard - they want to know how many life-jackets we have onboard."

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

'Your father installed a security system.'

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

Judges alarm clock: 'beep beep, all rise!'

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

'I've got to wake up extra early tomorrow morning. Any clue how to set this thing?'

'Halt! User name and password.'