Alert Master Gifts

"The best way to get Bob's attention is by phone. . . I usually throw mine at him."

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

'Wow, I sure got a lot of mail today!'

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

'My son is studying communications in college. He never writes, calls, texts, or emails his parents.'

Mind control

Is that a new hi-tech remote? Yeah, it's a real game-changer!

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

"No, this movie isn't dragging. You've got it on 'pause'."

Printing Room

"Jim will have to call you back. He's trying to find his real mail that's buried in all the junk mail."

"I actually know more commands than I respond to."

'Must...find...something...intelligent..!'

'Better not circulate these.'

Man drives by too many road alerts.

Gymnastics.

'That woke me up, too!'

"I'm going to put you on hold for a few minutes...to see if you totally lose it."

'I don't like this predictive text.'

"You can just say you don't like it ... you don't have to make that face!"

Wanna hang later? Yep. You meatheads are standing side-by-side texting! Why not just talk to each other?! Because: Your eyeballs are burned away from staring at your screens and you can't see actual reality!!!! I hear strange rhetorical noises. Put on your iPod LOUD and they'll go away.

New Years Resolution

Life is so much better...withremote control

Shriek! Scream! Yell louder. Bellow! More rage, please. Debate club?! Yeah. They switched to a cable tv talk show format.

'These are some great solutions we've come up with, Ed. See if we have any problems they'll solve.'

Suddenly Jimmy didn't feel so alone in the world.

'We've given TV up for Lent. My dad's just keeping his remote thumb in shape.'

If serving staff wrote the fortune cookies.

"There! I finished the display! It was hard, but I did it!"

"Stop randomly texting angry emojis, then put your phone down and your hands up."

My first name is 'sit' and my last name is 'stay'.'

Last chance for public relations next exit...next PR- 87 miles

Newborn's TV.