Alcohol Punster Gifts

'I should warn you - all our 'non-loaded' funds are alcohol free.'

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Dogs life

Chicken soup for the sole.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Mystery of the Poets

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'Don't you think they'd be better off in the water?'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

"Norman is an island."

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

"My eyes feel heavy. Does that mean I'm taking in too much eye candy?"

Optometrist practical jokes

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, all we ask for Mr. Whitman is poetic justice."

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

'I think he'll be okay. He had a mild brush stroke.'

Mobile Holmes.

"Someday son, this will be all oars."

Surfin' the web.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Timmy Gets Solitary.

Wash and Let My People Go

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."