Party Punster Gifts

You never did get rid of that chip on your shoulder did you, Peabody?

Conversation-Killer Whale

British savings accounts

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Dogs life

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

Note Book

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

Fleas Navidad.

"Listen, you're no picnic, either."

I wonder who's Kissinger now?

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

"I feel that I've been given a unique opportunity to speak out on the issues."

'This is what I mean about inadequate interagency cooperation.'

"You've placed me in a difficult position here, Malcolm."

'Mr. President, you have a phone call. It's the First Hen.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

On - Undecided - Off switch