Alchemy Buff Gifts

"I'm pursuing the reason I was put on earth."

"I said slime."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

Great Moments in Computing #192: Newton discovers the computer.

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

"Just a pinch, Helga ... spicy eye of newt doesn't agree with me."

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'Once I got the cold fusion problem out of the way, the rest was easy!'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

'You've had enough.'

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."

'Gee, where are all the crowds this year?'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

'Every time we clear all the snow another blizzard hits. We're cursed men Frank. Cursed!'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

"I'm thinking of giving up yoga! Yesterday my lotus position turned into a cauliflower!"

Hysterically laughing monster.

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

Trawling for Fish.

Two gamers play in a game arcade near a machine titled; 'Get a life'.

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'The Algenist meets the Alchemist.'

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

"I'd like to give you a break, but we did have you doing a hundred and eighty-six thousand miles a second on the radar."

''Relativity,' you say? — Well, it can't be any worse than your 'speed bump' theory.'

The Coffee Tattoo

"... But here in the outside world, I need more time and I need more space."

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'