Alchemy Gifts

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

"I know this is all nonsense , but that's the paradigm I'm stuck with."

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

"I heard they make glass from sand but I have no idea where to begin."

Bad science drives out good.

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

Medieval Peer Review: "Whose experiments are the fairest of all?"

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

'My goodness, it IS Gold! I'm so glad you were there to record all the experimental steps and settings...'

'The Algenist meets the Alchemist.'

'Mr. Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy, and have come to one conclusion: Stick to physics.'

'Unfortunately this lab is funded only by as much gold as we can make from lead.'

Although successful, Richard couldn't help feeling that his experiment was pointless.

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

'No elixir of life yet by my super strength lager's a belter!'

"And a piece of algae for Omega-3."

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."

Ugggghhh....eye of newt's off!

"Is it gold yet?"

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'Hmm, wrong bottle. I guess THIS one must've been the Elixir of Death...'

"Unfortunately this lab is funded only by as much gold as we can make from lead."

"Eye of newt. . . wing of bat. . . hair of dog!"

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

"Just a pinch, Helga ... spicy eye of newt doesn't agree with me."

"The lab boys figured out how to change lead into gold. Now your job is to corner the lead market."

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

The Algenist Meets the Alchemist...

"But if he's right, it'll save us years of experimenting."

"I'm attempting to transmute calcium oxide, copper gluconate, manganese sulfate, tyrosine and benzaldehyde into condensed soup."

"Science fraud? What do I do that isn't science fraud?"

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

"Once you do transmute lead into gold, you'll find the market for it is very speculative."