Airline Security Gifts

Air hostess wearing bullet proof vest saying, '...and you pull your life jacket on over your head like this'

The Anti-Agent

UK border controls relaxed.

High security Santa's grotto

'Where was the TSA?'

Airport Security.

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"He's a guard dog."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

"Beware of Don"

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Scarecrows guarding a field

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

Moulin Rouge Security

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

Mou...Man trap!