Airline Security Gifts

Air hostess wearing bullet proof vest saying, '...and you pull your life jacket on over your head like this'

The Anti-Agent

UK border controls relaxed.

High security Santa's grotto

Airport Security.

'Where was the TSA?'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"He's a guard dog."

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"I see you've security marked your property."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

The Scanner Of Love.

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

"Beware of Don"

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

Moulin Rouge Security

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

A Little Extra

Death to the Extremists

Scarecrows guarding a field

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

Mou...Man trap!