Airline Customer Service Gifts

"sir, this flight is overbooked and we need your seat. We can do this the easy way or...I can hit this ejection button."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

Direct Marketing...

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Nihilistic customer service"

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."