Airline Captain Gifts

'What on earth are you doing? Watch your flaps! Increase altitude ... ' Back Seat Pilots: another reason to make cockpits inaccessible to passengers.

'This is your captain speaking!'

"I suppose, stranger, that flying for a major airline makes you think you're something special."

"This is your captain speaking."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

Some days captain Jones forgot that he no longer flew the Vomit Comet for NASA.

"The pilots are trained on all the plane's technology, but they're still having a hard time with the backup camera."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

Airline Mergers.

'Spock's expertise in M&A deal making was key to the formation of the Federation.'

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

Safest Airline in The World

Under Capitalism, Expensive Equipment is Always, Unlike People, Innocent Until Proven Guilty

'That seating section is for video gamers only.'

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

I'd rather be at the office.

Man with pirate eye patch and bandana giving a lecture

'We took a look at our passport pictures and realized that we need a vacation.'

'He runs this firm like a ship.'

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

'Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the latest Airbus!'

"Let me get this straight...your airline lets you layover in Hawaii for 24 hours and they trust you to come back?"

A flighttime story

"Not only is our flight delayed, but the airline has declared bankruptcy."

"We don't have anything right now, but we'll put you on standby."

'I hate to see you work during your lunch hour, so do me a favor and close your door.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'