Agrarian Giggler Gifts

Your Country Needs MOO!

The Busy Gardener

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Hardy Annuals

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

"Garden variety allergies."

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

Beginning Yarder.

Yard Sale

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

'It was this big. I swear'

"What are you in for?"

'...and this is the water garden...'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'Where are you going?'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

Balding gnomes

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

'I can't hire you, but I can sell you some stock in the company.'

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"I used to have A Green thumb but it was mainly for hedge funds."