Aging Gracefully Explorer Gifts

"Elsie is still waiting for postmenopausal zest to kick in."

"For some reason, I'm getting nicer. Where will it end?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Parts Department

"We REALLY do get better with age."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"I noticed a few browns."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

Aging Problems

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"You're right, they are statins."

"I come from the future."

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'