Aging Gracefully Explorer Gifts

"Elsie is still waiting for postmenopausal zest to kick in."

"For some reason, I'm getting nicer. Where will it end?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Parts Department

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"I noticed a few browns."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

Aging Problems

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"You're right, they are statins."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"I come from the future."

"Miriam keeps me young."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'