Ageism Gifts

"My client, age 87, will claim age discrimination if he's not allowed to play."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

Don't have a hot flush....

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"I was on hormone replacement for two years before I realized I needed Steve replacement."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"What was life really like in the middle ages, Sadie?"

Potts is having a job keeping up with the young turks.

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

'Ageism at work'

"If I were a dog I'd only be 11."

'Life is too long not to worry.'

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

"Botox? No, I simply stopped smiling when I turned 30."

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

"That's just the meds kicking in."

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'