Ageism Gifts

"My client, age 87, will claim age discrimination if he's not allowed to play."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"What was life really like in the middle ages, Sadie?"

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

Potts is having a job keeping up with the young turks.

"I was on hormone replacement for two years before I realized I needed Steve replacement."

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

'Ageism at work'

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

'Life is too long not to worry.'

"If I were a dog I'd only be 11."

"Botox? No, I simply stopped smiling when I turned 30."

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

"That's just the meds kicking in."

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"