Age-defying Pet Lover Pillows

'He keeps us young!'

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

Boy with a whale: 'He followed me home, Dad, can I keep him?'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Roget's Pet

Rock musician playing a dog as a guitar

'Click it or ticket.'

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

"He ran out of pee."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

Al's Teachers' Pets.

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

'Apart from Charlie here, I don't have any problems with slugs'

'It's only temporary until we can find a good home for the cats.'

"My Instagram feed is basically people, dog food and tennis balls."

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

"One more question. Would you mind if corporate implanted a chip between your shoulder blades?"

'Do you have to do that every time?'

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

When Pugs dream.

'Nature abhors a vacuum. Nature is my cat.'

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

"Too goth?"

'If we build it, they will come.'

'Good boy. That's better than the others, but still too long. For playing fetch, I prefer a shorter stick, shaped like that, without bark or moss, and not quite as heavy.'

Self-walking dog

''No, Ma,am', I said. 'I'm not taking anybody's pet pig for a walk in a baby carriage' and then she doubled my salary.'

She IS a raisin

"I believe we've entered the dark underbelly of pet ownership."

The grim reaper (of humans) and the angel of death (for dogs) are foreshadowing the imminent death of a man and his doh.