Seniors Who Adore Pets Pillows

'I'm really beginning to feel my age, Lou. Irene used the can opener today and I didn't even hear it.'

Biofelineism

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"I'm beginning to worry she might work out who is really in charge."

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'Too old to climb curtains, but young enough to climb on a lap. What's not to love.'

'No Sandra, I don't hear a whistle either. '

"Elinor, honey, isn't Mr. Stripes pretty? He just had his shots."

"Do you think those sounds they make are some primitive attempt to communicate with each other?"

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

Dog on a stair-lift.

"I'm an assistance dog."

"Shall I compare thee to an autumn day?"

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

Every Dog Has His Day

"Write about dogs."

'The ball of wool channel? Who the hell signed us up for that?'

Piss Bull

'He keeps us young!'

"I've enjoyed being a pet, but it's time for me to get a real job."

"They're voice-activated. I bark, they jump."

"He's part bok choy."

"When you run with the big dogs, talk softly and carry a big pooper-scooper."

A new acquaintance will keep you in stitches!

101 uses of a dead cat: stool

"Oh don't mind my Jeffrey, he's just saying hello."

"In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have called you 'Flash'. It just seems sarcastic now."

"Who gets Meals on Wheels?"

'They've started giving me 'senior' cat food...'

Sadly, Ralph's third attempt at the World Fishbowl Speed Record was also his last.

"I see you have a cat."

'You can go in ahead of us.'

"When will that woman get the message?? It's over!! I've left her!!"