Age-defying Alchemist Pillows

"SHEESH. What will it be like when I'm eighty?!"

Medicinal plants

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

'Quickly boy, tell me which test tube you drank from?!'

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

Chemical term for an unpleasant family of maladjusted alkanes.

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

"Try to remember, you're not 70 any more."

'My doctor's given me the all-clear for our Reunion tour.'

'We've travelled tandem all our mrried life!'

'My Goodness! All these years George and I never guessed you were a superhero.'

Optimistic Aging...

"It's a digital tattoo. It changes every time it's no longer age appropriate."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

She IS a raisin

Still hip, but not much hop.

Person who refuses to admit age on board. Feel free to drive with wild and reckless abandon.

"75"

"Be honest- how does it look? I had to leave my laugh lines in for Bill."

'You know you're 40 when...'

"As a kid I was told, 'Act your age.' As an adult I'm told, 'Don't look your age.'"

Lots of People Would Consider Me Young...if they were alive today.

"That anti-aging cream worked wonders."

"I'm starting to look old."