Age Commentator Pillows

"Everyone forgets: Before we were old white men, we were young white men."

"Aren't normal people your age usually in 'Loving and Committed Relationships?'"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

Occupant.

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"An overload -- even this is beginning to look like Kitsch."

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

Pundits

"Under our new definition of 'what is a sale?', he hasn't made any this year."

"For the hundredth time—I have no idea how to make crystal meth."

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

'He was an impressionist. Like that Alistair McGowan...'

"What if you go under before I need to?"

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

Today's movies and TV shows give sex and crime a bad name.

The number of couples separating keeps growing.

'That's the end of the news - (B****RD MEN!!)'

Maps to talk-show guests' homes.

"Tonight's big story... we're leaving you... it's not you, it's us..."

"High school uniforms?! Can you imagine everyone wearing the same thing every day!"

"All of a sudden, everyone seems younger than I am."

'so let me get this straight... you're famous for being the sister of the wife of a man who went to school with someone who knew someone else who is already famous?'

"Coming up on political gymnastics, the next candidate will try a triple reverse flip flop..."

'Isn't she a bit young for you?'

Presidential Pardons of the Rich and Famous.