Age Critic Pillows

On today's "Ask Sadie" Radio Hour, we'll talk about the elephant in the room: Hillary Clinton's age. And Bernie's too. Forget all this PC nonsense, I'll just come right out and say it: Their age disqualifies them. These children don't know anything about life. I bet they haven't even gotten their first hip replacement yet. Nice to know we'll always be young to somebody. Earth is young to her.

'Isn't she a bit young for you?'

"Bond James, Bond."

You're my Mona Lisa.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Herman Mankiewicz

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Reading my Critics

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Use your imagination.

"Well....I could've done this!"

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Personally, I'm a doer."