Age Critic T-Shirts

'Isn't she a bit young for you?'

"Bond James, Bond."

You're my Mona Lisa.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Benedict Cumberbatch

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Herman Mankiewicz

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Reading my Critics

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Use your imagination.

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."