Age Agelessness Expert Gifts

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Do you think I'm sixty?

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Parts Department

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

You're never too old for ballet!

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

Pre-Old Blues

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"I come from the future."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'I have to be honest with you. I've been taking anti-aging nutrients for years. I'm 93 years old.'

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

A senior moment.

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"