Afterlife Seeker Gifts

"My mother was ill and before she dies, she said 'look out for purple elephants, because when you see one, that's me contacting you.' I'm sad because I've never seen a purple elephant."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Good game."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"Surgery up here is free!"

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

"Needs to get a life"

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

"It's true: no more burpees."

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

A surprise in heaven

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'Look man, no wings!'

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.