Afterlife Philosopher Gifts

Insurance agents in Heaven.

'According to this, you're out of compliance with EVERYTHING!'

'It doesn't matter that you never got caught!'

"I didn't smoke, drank in moderation, exercised, ate kale, and yet, here I am."

"I don't think so."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

Cremated Angel - "Cremated, eh? Well, just try not to get all over everything."

"Are you sure nothing funny happening during your operation?"

'Hmm... You're quite naughty, but I would hardly call you evil.' 'Tch! Talk about damning with faint praise.'

Existing for eternity - a fate worse than death.

And you thought it couldn't get any worse.

Hunter looking frightened with smoking gun. Angel dropping out of the sky.

'In your case, we had to assemble a spread sheet.'

'If we are reincarnated, what do you think we'll come back as?'

"It's to help prevent fallen angels."

"I gave up smoking, drinking, women. I adapted a healthy lifestyle, so I'd live longer and I died of boredom."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

'Nice try.'

"We're all out of trolleys so you're going to hell in a handbasket."

"The good news is you can smoke wherever you like. The bad news is you'll be smoking because you're going to be on fire."

Next, I remember looking down at myself and thinking, Man, I don't look so hot. Maybe I should see a doctor.

"If heaven's so great, why is no-one in a rush to get there?"

"There's an enormous amount of pressure not to slip up and do something nice."

"...but, Bettyjo, when you were passing, you promised me that you would be waiting for me up here."

"Boring up here isn't it...?"

"I just reviewed your life...Here's your handbasket."

'I was the designated driver. Everyone else decided to take a room at the hotel next door.'

Pearly Gates Queue

Grim reaper, with Swiss army knife style scythe, says: 'You have to be prepared for everything in this job.'

'Are you going to keep that silly mustache for all eternity?'

Directions.

'Woah! I must have gotten on the wrong bus.'

'Do you want a smoking or non-smoking cloud?'

Welcome - This is a Zero Tolerance Heaven.

'Somehow I thought it was somewhat different!'