Afterlife Philosopher Gifts

Insurance agents in Heaven.

'According to this, you're out of compliance with EVERYTHING!'

'It doesn't matter that you never got caught!'

Cremated Angel - "Cremated, eh? Well, just try not to get all over everything."

"Are you sure nothing funny happening during your operation?"

"I didn't smoke, drank in moderation, exercised, ate kale, and yet, here I am."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"I don't think so."

And you thought it couldn't get any worse.

"We're all out of trolleys so you're going to hell in a handbasket."

'Nice try.'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

'Hmm... You're quite naughty, but I would hardly call you evil.' 'Tch! Talk about damning with faint praise.'

"I gave up smoking, drinking, women. I adapted a healthy lifestyle, so I'd live longer and I died of boredom."

"It's to help prevent fallen angels."

'If we are reincarnated, what do you think we'll come back as?'

'In your case, we had to assemble a spread sheet.'

Hunter looking frightened with smoking gun. Angel dropping out of the sky.

Existing for eternity - a fate worse than death.

'I was the designated driver. Everyone else decided to take a room at the hotel next door.'

"I just reviewed your life...Here's your handbasket."

Next, I remember looking down at myself and thinking, Man, I don't look so hot. Maybe I should see a doctor.

Pearly Gates Queue

Grim reaper, with Swiss army knife style scythe, says: 'You have to be prepared for everything in this job.'

'Are you going to keep that silly mustache for all eternity?'

Directions.

'Woah! I must have gotten on the wrong bus.'

'Do you want a smoking or non-smoking cloud?'

Welcome - This is a Zero Tolerance Heaven.

'Somehow I thought it was somewhat different!'

Tombstone: I told you I was sick!

"These aren't pearly, just emulsion on wood...."

Welcome to Heaven

"Wait, there you are. I was spelling it wrong."

"If one more person says 'You're kidding...This is IT?', I'm going to find a new job!"