Afterlife Art Collector Gifts

Heaven Mk. II.

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Use your imagination.

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Children's artwork exhibition.

"Surgery up here is free!"

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"All we have left is standing room only."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

The Reaper's Arms

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"He's an abstract artist."

Museum. Hours. You're donating your collection of pre-Columbian art? Yes! What's Mayan is yours!

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

Art Gallery.

"Caricatures $20"

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Tommy, Math quiz. It's one of his earliest pieces.

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."