Artistic Collector Gifts

Norman Boring was very proud of his operation scar

Great Chinese Dynasties

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Use your imagination.

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Wagging Dog

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Caricatures $20"

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

When cartoonists drink too much coffee.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Museum. Hours. You're donating your collection of pre-Columbian art? Yes! What's Mayan is yours!

"He's an abstract artist."

Art Gallery.

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

Tommy, Math quiz. It's one of his earliest pieces.

"I read 'Art News.'"

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"What's most exciting about NFTs is the opportunity for dynamic new content."

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

'...The good news is the Guggenheim has offered $2,500,000 for our chart.'

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'

A skinny dog drawn with zen brush.

'It's like a piece of music, like Mozart or Beethoven.'

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."