Affirmation Skeptic Gifts

"I don't believe in affirmations. I believe in confirmations. The money you've paid me to be here confirms that I am awesome."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Typical man...too stubborn to stop and ask for directions.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"When we met, Marc promised to be the wind under my wings but it turned out to be all hot air."

a crash-test dummy is performing some affirmations before going to work

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"I totally meant to do that."

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

'I am not my job... my job is not me... I do not need my job to give my life a purpose...' 'Hey, did you hear the news? We're all laid off!' 'Stupid affirmations!'

Book signing The Art Of Forgery - "Gee thanks, Oprah Winfrey."

And if you press that one, somebody will come in and tell you what a great job you're doing.

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'

Documentation Please

Science deniers Soc.

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

"Dad just told me a weird stork story. He must be a creationist."

"The drug has, however, proved more effective than traditional psychoanalysis."