Affectionate Teaser Pillows

"I could see finding him a cool guy if I wasn't married to him."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

Paint pots in love

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'Stop annoying the dog Andrew!'

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

'Your little one is giving the sitter a big kiss-of life.'

Essential Oils/Forbidden Fruit.

'Bottle nose! Bottle nose!'

'My dad says I'm good at training little animals - Sit, boy!'

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

'I'm not ashamed to be married to you, but if the other geeks saw I married a beautiful woman, I'd lose my geek status.'

"I'm giving up giving up!"

'Okay, I'm sorry I called you a cheeky monkey. Now, stop moaning and eat your banana!'

"How come we don't just cuddle anymore?"

'I'm sorely tempted to give him a piece of my mind, but I suspect he's the one tempting me.'

'Did you hear about the fool who goes around saying no all the time?'

'He calls me lambchop and I call him muttonhead.'

"The media is always being criticised for criticising social worker..."

'Mom! Betty lou called me a 'TWIRP' 'You are a twirp!'

'I don't know how you kids can sit around all day watching this garbage on television.'

Fragrans Tortuosa

Vicar Baiting

'HA! Look, Dad! My hair is so thick I've got my comb stuck in it ...again.'

'Darling, that memory course I've been doing, can you remember its web address.'

"The trailer didn't live up to the teaser."

'He's completely wrapped up in himself.'

'Are you enjoying watching the telly off, on demand?'

Increase your IQ with an 'I'm with Stupid' T-shirt.

"My uncle's got a wooden leg..."

Women in doughnut shop - 'Get down! It's someone from our exercise fitness class!'

"Shh, listen! The sound of my voice."

'I've been training him to feign affection.'