Affectionate Teaser Pillows

"I could see finding him a cool guy if I wasn't married to him."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Paint pots in love

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

The Common Sutra.

'Stop annoying the dog Andrew!'

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

'Your little one is giving the sitter a big kiss-of life.'

Essential Oils/Forbidden Fruit.

'Bottle nose! Bottle nose!'

'My dad says I'm good at training little animals - Sit, boy!'

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

'I'm not ashamed to be married to you, but if the other geeks saw I married a beautiful woman, I'd lose my geek status.'

"I'm giving up giving up!"

'I'm sorely tempted to give him a piece of my mind, but I suspect he's the one tempting me.'

"The media is always being criticised for criticising social worker..."

'Okay, I'm sorry I called you a cheeky monkey. Now, stop moaning and eat your banana!'

'He calls me lambchop and I call him muttonhead.'

'Did you hear about the fool who goes around saying no all the time?'

"How come we don't just cuddle anymore?"

'Darling, that memory course I've been doing, can you remember its web address.'

'HA! Look, Dad! My hair is so thick I've got my comb stuck in it ...again.'

'Mom! Betty lou called me a 'TWIRP' 'You are a twirp!'

'I don't know how you kids can sit around all day watching this garbage on television.'

Vicar Baiting

Fragrans Tortuosa

"The trailer didn't live up to the teaser."

'He's completely wrapped up in himself.'

"My uncle's got a wooden leg..."

Increase your IQ with an 'I'm with Stupid' T-shirt.

'Are you enjoying watching the telly off, on demand?'

Women in doughnut shop - 'Get down! It's someone from our exercise fitness class!'

"Shh, listen! The sound of my voice."