Advice Givers Gifts

"Some will love you and some will hate you. It's always been that way with anchovies."

"Bobby was caught imposing his values on another student."

We've started an advice column. It's called "Dear Abbey"!

'How many times did I tell you 'Don't eat the free samples given out on the street!'?'

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

'You are doing it wrong.'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

'When I want your opinion I'll sack you!'

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

The girl with the sensible shoes.

I'm the bluebird of happiness, and I'm on a book tour. Make Your Own Happiness.

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Trekfan" in Dallas, you're on. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! House of Java Cybercafe. I've been trying to get my wife to watch sci-fi with me. But she's so closed-minded about it. Everything that I find so profound and beautiful about it, she finds silly. Stop trying to change your wife into a Xerox copy of yourself! Right now your relationship is based on the kind of incompatibility that leads to resentment, recrimination and bickering. Enjoy that. You'd make a great Kl

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

"A word to the wise..or is it a word from the wise? I always get it mixed up."

"If you bring joy and enthusiasm to everything you do, people will think you're crazy."

'You're better off without him.'

Ask Sadie. I am getting divorced and I moved to Vegas. Do you think that's a smart move? - Jim. *Actual reader letter. Jim, this is a great question. One I get all the time. You do? Really? Oh yes, people are always asking me for my advice after they've already done something. You're about to yell. What do you need me for if you've already moved, you !@#$ dillweed? She gives that answer all the time.

'My best advice? Never miss an opportunity to pass water...'

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be me? - Unhappy at Home. Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person. If you think "being you" includes being dirt

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

'I just had to stop by and thank you for all the advice...'

'There's a NAGGING blog?'