Advice Appreciator Gifts

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

What's an Imax cave?

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Laughing Zone Ahead

'In general, do the right thing.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

Hot cross buns

Final words on gravestones.

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

'You are doing it wrong.'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

OMG.

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Split the last one?

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

Late-Onset Epiphany

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"