Advice Appreciator Pillows

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

Laughing Zone Ahead

'In general, do the right thing.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

Hot cross buns

Final words on gravestones.

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'You are doing it wrong.'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

OMG.

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

Late-Onset Epiphany

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"Smart Arse"